Wednesday, March 30, 2005


Since the Beginning of Time Man Has Longed to Destroy the Earth

This truth is self evident. But has any practical work been undertaken? Sam Hughes' website makes a brave start, whilst recognising that "It takes decades of hard work". (via Annals of Improbable Research).

Marvel fans - note appearance of Galactus, "the ruler by which all other cosmic villains are measured" (absolutely!).

Site also links to technical discussion of the Death Star's 'Laser Beam', which is very handy for all of us.

To help you in your task, has some important reminders of potential stumbling blocks, eg:

"I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks."

"I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about."

"I will not turn into a snake. It never helps."

"My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice."

"No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency."

"My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them."

"If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress."

"If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them."

"Before spending available funds on giant gargoyles, gothic arches, or other cosmetically intimidating pieces of architecture, I will see if there are any valid military expenditures that could use the extra budget."

"My force-field generators will be located inside the shield they generate."

"All giant serpents acting as guardians in underground lakes will be fitted with sports goggles to prevent eye injuries."

"Before using any device which transfers energy directly into my body, I will install a surge suppressor."

There's about 300 of these.. go read.

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